


The Way Home

by potionsmaster



Series: the Normandy Standard of Normal [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Asari Citrus, Body Shots, Drinking, Jeezuz-f#ck K!, M/M, Tequila, Tumblr Prompt, oldies but goodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7447258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard has a bottle of tequila and an idea.  Kaidan has a hairy belly button. And no, that thing later on in the fic is not a typo.  You’ll see what I mean, lol.  <em>Wish You Were Here</em> universe, towards the end of Game 3, well beyond <em>Such A Tease</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> Nonny on tumblr asked if Shepard and Kaidan would ever get to lick the salt off each other for tequila shots. Their answer? Uh...yeah! Enjoy!!

_**The Way Home**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: M.  c’mon, now….this is me we’re talking about.  Booze and sex.  Ish.  Read at your discretion, hehe.

 

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he found Shepard waiting for him outside the elevator in the loft, pacing like a caged lion; the commander hadn’t exactly been reserved with his request when he had sent him an omni-text to ask him up.  He _was_ surprised, however, that Shepard was already half drunk.  They didn’t usually drink more than a couple fingers worth of whiskey together every few days or so; really whenever it was they had a spare moment to spend together after the day was over and they had a moment to breathe between catastrophes, but sometimes the mood to cut loose would strike.  He caught Shepard in his arms, taken aback by the unusually free display of affection as the commander leaned heavily on him and buried his face against his neck.  

 

“You know…” he chuckled, “I wasn’t gone all that long. _Mmm._ ”  Shepard had pressed him against the doors to the elevator, sucking lightly on his pulse and grabbing at his rear.  

 

“I _missed_ you,” Shepard mumbled against his skin, “I don’t care how long you were gone.”  He cupped Kaidan through his fatigues, massaging the growing bulge he found there.  Kaidan laughed again and pushed him back playfully.  He let his hand drag down the front of Shepard’s hoodie and grabbed a fistful of the soft cloth, tugging on it to get the other man to follow him.  The younger man bumped his chest against Kaidan’s back, pinning him face-first against the door to the captain’s quarters. A jolt of excitement ran through him; Shepard was bracing his arms on either side of his head and grinding himself against Kaidan’s ass while he nibbled delicately on the edge of his ear.

 

“Can you at least let me in the door before you maul me? I’d prefer to be at least somewhat near a comfortable surface, ya animal.”  

 

Shepard nipped at his ear and growled.

 

“Live a little, Kaid.”

 

“Uh-huh,” he deadpanned, toggling the lock and falling forward a step.  Shepard wrapped his arms around Kaidan’s shoulders and let himself be dragged into the cabin. “Looks like you’re doing enough ‘living’ for the both of us.”  He staggered down the small set of stairs under their combined weight, holding onto Shepard’s arms to steady him.  It still shocked him how much heavier the commander was with the cybernetics.  Shepard practically giggled when they reached the bottom.  

 

“I’ve got about two years of catching up to do on living,” he said breezily, detaching himself from the major.  He poured a couple of shots from the bottle of liquor on the coffee table and handed one to Kaidan.  “And you have some catching up to do, too.  Just, y’know...with drinking.”  He tossed his back and pulled a face.

 

Kaidan eyed the shot glass warily.

 

“It’s tequila, don’t worry.  I know you and rum aren’t friends.”  He flopped on the sofa facing the aquarium, humming to himself.  “Show me the way, hmmm, hmm, hmmm.”

 

“You’re so kind, Shep.” He downed his and suppressed a wince while he poured himself another. “Where’d you get it from?”   

 

The commander stopped humming and held out an upturned hand, wiggling his fingers to try and convince his partner to come over to him.

 

“Vega.” Kaidan put his hand in Shepard’s and slid next to him on the couch, one leg folded underneath him.  “I confiscated it, then remembered your birthday from a few years ago.  D’you?”  

 

“Uh, yeah...it was a good one.  The parts I can remember, at least.”  He furrowed his brow, then downed the shot.  Shepard took the shot glass from his hand and put it on the table before pulling Kaidan into a hug.  “Probably a good thing I can’t remember what happened after we danced together, though.”

 

Shepard nuzzled behind Kaidan’s ear, garnering a small huff of laughter and a shy smile as he leaned into it.

 

“You are still the only person I will willingly dance for or with,” he murmured. “But I was referring to before the dancing, actually.  You kept asking if you could lick the salt off me for your shots.” He slid a hand down Kaidan’s chest and into the top of his pants, untucking the shirt in front.  Kaidan arched against him, head falling back on his shoulder.

 

“Now that you mention it,” Kaidan sighed, “I do indeed remember asking…” The hand down his pants had found its way inside his black regulation underwear and was teasing him.  “I _also_ remember- _mmm_ -getting turned down.  Repeatedly, I might add.”

 

He felt Shepard’s lips smile against his jaw before more kisses were laid on it.

 

“It wasn’t for lack of desire then, K.  Far from it.”  Shepard hummed tunelessly to himself again, resting his forehead against Kaidan.  “Show me the way, hmmm, hmm, hmmm.”

 

“Yeah, I know.  Still was a blow to my ego, though.” He turned his head and caught Shepard’s lips with his own.  “What’re you singing?”

 

“Stupid thing, really.  Vega’s fault again.  I don’t know all the words, but it’s stuck in my head.  Ever see _Jaws_?”

 

Kaidan quirked an eyebrow at him before kissing him on the nose.

 

“Yep.  Scared the crap out of me when I was a kid.”

 

“Same.  Only reinforced why I hate water. Since we’re on a ship on a next-to-impossible mission, I thought it was fitting.”  He messily poured another couple of shots with his free hand and gave one to his partner.  “Anyway, I stopped by the mess and grabbed a couple of limes and a salt shaker.  Wanna get drunk and fool around?”

 

Kaidan rolled his eyes at that and twisted himself to face Shepard.

 

“Leave it to you to remember quotes from ancient, cheesy vids.”

 

“So...that’s a yes?” the commander raised his eyebrows expectantly.

 

“Since we’re already kinda fooling around, and you’re already kinda drunk, I guess I have no choice,” Kaidan teased.  He slugged back the shot and handed the empty glass to the commander, unzipping his hoodie. Shepard ran his tongue over his canine, grinning.

 

“Excellent…” He squirmed out from under Kaidan and swung his legs over the edge of the sofa.  “Hopefully these are ok...they look a little weird.”  Shepard nodded at the limes on the coffee table and started cutting one of them.  Kaidan picked the other one up and sniffed it.

 

“Smells ok, but yeah...the color is a bit odd.  Kinda blue-tinged.  Maybe it’s a difference of limes grown on Earth versus a different planet?  Like a soil pH thing?”

 

“Maybe.  You’re such a nerd.” Shepard lifted an eyebrow at that but didn’t stop concentrating on the blue-ish limes.  Kaidan waited until he was done before licking his way up from Shepard’s collarbone to behind his ear.  “Fuck _me_ ….” the commander exhaled sharply, closing his eyes and tilting his head.  Without fail, anytime Kaidan kissed that spot Shepard became putty in his hands.  He thought it was almost an unfair advantage that the younger man had given him, like a killswitch or something.  

 

“That’s the idea.”

 

Shepard pulled back a bit and scowled at him, reaching for the liquor again.  It was only a recent thing that he had started bottoming and he still had some quirks about it.  Not that Kaidan minded in the slightest if Shepard said ‘no’ to it tonight; he himself could go either way.  

 

“Well...I’m just saying...it’s an option,” he clarified while he brushed a reassuring hand down his partner’s arm.

 

“I don’t think I’m in the headspace for that tonight…” Shepard paused, then gave him a sidelong glance.  “But I’ve got other ideas.”  The blue-eyed man pushed gently on Kaidan’s chest and covered the major’s body with his own, rolling their hips together.

 

“Oh really?” Kaidan asked cheekily.  “And what might those be?”  

 

“Something I’d thought about that night on your birthday, actually.”  

 

He kissed Kaidan deeply and tugged his shirt out of his pants, fingers working on the clasps they both could do in their sleep.  Kaidan hummed in appreciation as he ran his hands up Shepard’s spine.  The commander slid down the biotic’s torso, laying a line of slow kisses along the exposed skin.  He sat up and gave Kaidan a coy grin while reaching for the bottle of tequila.

 

“Shepard…”  Kaidan noticed the devious glint in his eye and struggled to sit up.  Shepard put his hand on his partner’s chest and nestled between his legs, tucking the bottle next to him.  “What the hell are you on about?”

 

“Body shot.”

 

“No.”

 

“Please?”

 

“ _No_!”

 

He fought to sit up again and Shepard unbuttoned the top of his pants.

 

“Might I remind you that your bellybutton-” he interrupted himself to swirl his tongue along the top of Kaidan’s fatigues.  Kaidan huffed an impatient sigh and let his head drop heavily to the sofa again, trying not to arch up against Shepard’s mouth. “-is a detour to somewhere _else_.”  The major glared at Shepard between his legs through narrowed eyes and took a moment to think; his brain felt mushy.  The tequila must’ve been working on him already. The younger man had a knowing smirk on his face as he continued to peel Kaidan’s pants away from his groin and ran his fingers over the smooth skin. Kaidan groaned and closed his eyes, seeing the desire in his partner’s face.  The younger man swiped his tongue broadly over the half-hard length before continuing.

 

“Did I ever tell you how much I love your tattoo?” Shepard murmured, tracing the outline of the purple lotus on Kaidan’s left hip with a light fingertip.  “You should get another one over here.”  He mimicked the design on the hollow of the biotic’s right hip, fingers ghosting over the skin.  Kaidan still had his eyes closed and was trying not to concentrate on the man teasing him.  It didn’t help that Shepard purposefully was talking close enough so he could feel the warm breath on his already sensitive bits.  He felt himself twitch in response to Shepard’s proximity.

 

“Where?”

 

“Right here…don’t you feel that?”

 

Kaidan lifted his head up for a brief moment, looking at Shepard again.  The commander had his brow furrowed and head cocked to the side.  He saw him run his fingers over his right hip and chuckled.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Not at all.”  Shepard pressed a little harder, running his thumb over the crest of Kaidan’s hipbone.

 

“Nnnnope!  Nerve damage.”

 

“Huh…” The commander sat back a bit, moving his hand to Kaidan’s length and stroking it.  “But you _can_ feel this, right?”

 

“Oh yeah. No worries there, John.”  Kaidan felt his pulse quicken as Shepard moved his hand along him.

 

“ _Huh_ ,” Shepard said again, “That would explain why you don’t respond sometimes when you’re asleep.”  He dipped his mouth down to meet Kaidan’s hardening length again.  “When did it happen?”

 

Kaidan exhaled slowly, sliding a gentle hand along the back of Shepard’s head and rubbing his palm against the buzzed haircut.  The prickly-velvet feeling was uniquely ‘Shepard’ to him.

 

“I only really noticed - _mmmph_ -after taking that tumble with Wraith.  Ducking and rolling for cover in a hardsuit probably didn’t help for recovery.   _Shit_...don’t stop...”

 

Shepard swallowed him wholly for a moment, tongue lapping at the crown when he came off it.

 

“Still wanna take the shot, Kaid.  I’ve been dreaming of it the past year.  Are you really going to deny me the opportunity?”  He kissed his way up Kaidan’s stomach again and grabbed the forgotten bottle.  The biotic shivered and sighed, running his thumb along the edge of Shepard’s ear.  

 

“Fine...if you have to.”

 

“I promise you’ll like it,” the younger man said, “Hold still.”  Shepard handed him a slice of the citrus and picked up the salt.  Kaidan licked his wrist and held it out expectantly.  It was met with a kiss on the offered wrist and a smirk.  “Better idea….”

 

He licked a stripe on the inside of Kaidan’s thigh and sprinkled a bit of the salt on it.  Kaidan watched him through hooded eyes.

 

“I’m waiting for it…”

 

“What?” Shepard asked, carefully pouring a small amount of tequila in Kaidan’s bellybutton.  The biotic hissed at the cool liquid touching his skin.

 

“The terrible joke about ‘a-salt-ing’ me.”

 

The commander paused and looked at him darkly before putting the liquor bottle back on the table.

 

“That _is_ a terrible joke.”  He swept his tongue over Kaidan’s length again before he went for the salt.  Kaidan tried to control a shudder.  “You gotta keep still, K.  Otherwise…” Shepard alternated kissing and licking up the rivulets that slid over his taut stomach. “I’ll have to top it off again.”  The tequila bottle sloshed as the commander dribbled more on Kaidan.

 

“ _Fuck…_ ”

 

“That comes later.”

 

“It damn well better.   _Uuuh_ …”

 

Shepard kissed the dewy drop of moisture on his tip before sucking the liquor up.

 

“You have a hairy bellybutton,” he chuckled. “Lime?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”

 

The commander ran his tongue over a canine and slithered up Kaidan’s chest, hand wrapped around his length, thumb spreading more of moisture leaking from his slit.  

 

“You’re very comfortable to lay on.  But seriously.   _Lime_.  It’s not the greatest tasting booze.”

 

Kaidan snorted.

 

“Come get it, then.  I doubt ‘essence of marine’ improves the flavor.”  He put the rind between his teeth and raised his eyebrows expectantly.  

“That was the best part. Don’t knock it, Kaid,” Shepard said quietly, running his nose along his stubble and sucking on his pulse for a brief moment.  He delicately grabbed the fruit with his teeth and drew it into his mouth, pressing their lips together.

 

Kaidan was a little fuzzy on what happened next.  One moment they were sharing a kiss and a piece of fruit, the next Shepard had shoved himself off of him and was absolutely roaring.  He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the watering.  He thought his tongue was going to shrivel up and fall off.

 

“GOD FUCKING _DAMMIT_ , WHAT THE _SHIT IS THAT SHIT_?? AAAAAHHHH!!!”

 

“Holy hell, what the _fuck_?”  Kaidan could barely speak, he was salivating so much.  He couldn’t get the overpowering _sour_ out of his mouth.  Shepard had grabbed the bottle of tequila and was swishing a mouthful. He spit it out in one of the shot glasses and was back to swearing up a storm.

 

“What the actual cocksucking FUCK is that and why the _fuck_ is it on my fucking ship?? GAH!”  He clawed at his tongue.

 

“I dunno, but if someone put them in the fruit drawer as a joke, it’s not fuckin’ funny,” Kaidan ground out, tucking himself back in his pants and zipping them up.  The mood was rather lost.  

 

“AAAAAARGH!  I fuckin’ _bit into it_!  FUCK!”

 

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at that and ran his hand through his hair, making sure it was still relatively presentable.  Shepard had flopped backwards onto the couch again and was scrubbing his hands over his eyes.  The horrendous taste was subsiding enough for him to talk without drooling at this point.

 

“I’m calling Liara...maybe she can ID it.  Permission to use your console?”

 

“Fucking hell, Kaidan, you’re worried about goddamn _protocol_?  YES, you can use it.  You don’t have to _ask_.  Ever.   _Fuck_ …”

 

He didn’t dignify it with a response while he grabbed the intact blue fruit.  It was a crapshoot that Liara might know what the hell it was, but they had to start somewhere.  He tried not to sigh as he sat in front of the console.  Hopefully she’d still be up-

 

“ _Kaidan...To what do I owe the pleasure?_ ” She popped up on the monitor, inquisitive look on her face.  “ _It is past midnight in the ship’s cycle.  Why are you still up?_ ”

 

“One could ask you the same thing,” he said mildly, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“ _Perhaps it’s better that I don’t ask why you’re calling from Shepard’s terminal._ ”  A thread of amusement laced her words.  “ _Did you need something?_ ”

 

“Yeah, actually.”  Kaidan showed her the uncut not-lime. “Shepard and I came across something and had some...experiences with it.  What can you tell us about this?”

 

“IT TASTES LIKE A VOLUS’ SWEAT FILTER GONE RANCID!” Shepard yelled from the couch.  “WHAT THE FUCK?”  Liara looked at Kaidan in alarm.

 

“ _I don’t follow._ ”

 

“We don’t know what this is, and we were just curious if it was actually dextro.  Do you know?”

 

“ _It’s an asari citrus.  You’re safe._ ”

 

“....continue?” he asked.  “We don’t know anything about it.”

 

Liara heaved a sigh. On screen, she reached out and fiddled with a dial.

 

“ _Kaidan. I really don't have time for this._ ”

 

“I know, Liara, and I'm sorry.  But you know Shepard; he’s never going to let it rest tonight.”

 

“Why do we even have those on the Normandy??” the commander howled in the background.  She blinked.

 

“ _The translation to your language is "Thessia sweet li’mon’".  And we have them so the levo crew has a few different options to choose from when they want to bolster their vitamin C._ ”

 

“Never heard of it before…”

 

“ _Sending an extranet link to you.  A Thessia sweet li’mon’ is a citrus fruit whose skin is on the teal spectrum._ ”  His omni-tool lit up with a notification of a message being received.

 

“Yeah, Liara, but _damn_...why is it called ‘sweet’? My eyes are watering.” Kaidan was having trouble keeping a straight face; Shepard was rolling on the couch and scraping his tongue off with a napkin.

 

“ _Well, it's sweeter than a regular li’mon’. Due to the fact it doesn't grow as large, the fructose is more concentrated._ ”

 

“Jeezuz- _fuck_ ….” Shepard grumbled in the background, “It _burns_.”  Kaidan stifled a laugh by crossing an arm over his chest and bringing his other hand up to his chin, feigning deep thought.  Liara pursed her lips impatiently.

 

“ _Is there anything else you needed?_ ”

 

“Um...” he glanced over the site on his omni-tool. “What’s with the extra apostrophe? The one on the end, I mean.”

 

Liara sighed again and buried her face in her hand.

 

“ _Due to some very complicated grammar rules that do not mesh very well with the Latin characters common to humans, it essentially is there to take the place of silent letters. It also allows a modifer to be tacked on in my language._ ”

 

“That’s stupid,” the commander griped in between napkins.  “The apos’trophy is _silent_.”

 

“ _Is there anything else, Kaidan? I really must insist that I get back to work otherwise._ ”

 

“No, Liara.  Thanks again.”  He logged off the terminal and stumped down the stairs, coming to a stop in front of Shepard. Any buzz he had was officially gone and now he was just tired. The commander rolled over and looked at him woefully.  

 

“...’M sorry.  This was...not exactly the way I wanted it to go.”

 

“S’alright.  It’ll be funny in the morning. And now we know that blue limes very much are not good for drink garnishes.”

 

Shepard patted the sofa cushion and gestured for him to sit down again.  Kaidan sank down wearily onto the couch, tossing an arm around his partner. Shepard rested his head on Kaidan’s shoulder.

 

“It’s funny _now_ ,” he grumbled. Kaidan closed his eyes and leaned back, rubbing his hand against Shepard’s arm.  After a little while he felt a small rumble in Shepard’s chest and strained to listen in the quiet.  

 

“Show me the way, hmmm, hmm, hmmm…”

 

“The way what?”

 

“What?”  Shepard lifted his head blearily and stared at him.

 

“That song you’re singing.  ‘Show you the way _what_?’ “

 

“Oh…” his ears flushed.  “The way to go home.”

 

Kaidan huffed a small laugh to cover up the bittersweet smile.

 

“Might be awhile before we can get back there, John.”  He tightened his arm around his partner and pressed a kiss against the scar in his hairline.

 

“Yeah, about that…” Shepard said, voice muffled by Kaidan’s shoulder.

 

“What?”

 

“When I’m with you?  I’m already there, Kaidan.”

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
